


It’s a wonderful life

by Sourcherrymagiks



Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [26]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Carry On Countdown 2019, Depression, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21933532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sourcherrymagiks/pseuds/Sourcherrymagiks
Summary: Carry on Countdown 2019Day 30 - Christmas CelebrationI’ve divided this up into two chapters. The first chapter loosely follows the plot of the movie ‘It’s a wonderful life’ this means that there is reference to suicidal thoughts. Be kind to yourself and skip to chapter 2 if this might be an issue.
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561624
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	1. 1

Simon

It’s fucking Christmas and I’ve already made Penny cry twice this week. I thought Baz was never going to come back after the shitstorm I gave him yesterday. There’s now a mince pie stain on the living room wall. Thing is I know I’m being an unreasonable twat. I know it’s the time of year and the memory and the trauma. 

Doesn’t stop me doing it though does it? 

Doesn’t stop me being a fucking burden to everyone that cares about me. 

Doesn’t stop me being a ‘problem’ for the world of mages. 

I’m a big fucking problem in the normal world if Penny doesn’t spell my wings off. She did it earlier then kicked me out of the flat to calm down. I’m lucky she didn’t pack my stuff for me. 

I’m standing on the bridge now, I must have walked miles this morning but I’m still itchy in my skin. I still can’t shake the thought that everything would be better if I just wasn’t here. Had never been here. Baz could find someone who was worth it. Penny wouldn’t have to worry the whole time. No one else would even notice. 

If I had one wish it would be that. Just take me out of the fucking equation. Let everyone have some peace from me. 

I’m crying like a total twat now. It doesn’t feel like good crying.

It feels like I’m just done.

I’ve just had enough of this.

Feeling like this.

Being like this.

I wish I could just stop. 

There’s a ruckus further down the bridge, then a splash. Shit, it’s a person. Before I have time to think about it I’m in the water too, dragging a very uncooperative, flailing man out of the freezing water. My swimming is rubbish. It’s a fucking miracle we don’t both drown.

"What the fuck happened?" I demand. Seems I’m still fucking horrible. Good to know.

"I fell, thank you for saving me, I don’t know what I would have done without you"

"You’d have been fine. Everyone would have been fine. I’m just here."

"If you say so"

The magic hits me like a kick in the nuts. I heave onto the ground and when I straighten up the bloke has gone. 

It feels like the sun has gone down. Or the lights changed or something. It feels wrong. 

I need to go home and get into bed. I’m done with today and I’m still a long way from the house. 

  
Penny

  
I put the book I’ve been working with today face down on the table. Baz makes a tutting noise at me but then puts his own book down.

"Tea?"

"Please, I can’t read any more today"

"Me either, there’s nothing new, I can’t will the solution into existence"

He slouches off into the kitchen and I slouch off to the sofa. 

About three minutes later a complete stranger lets himself into our flat. 

"Sorry Penny, I’ll just, I mean I’ll stay out of your way" he looks like he’s heading to Baz’s room. 

"Who the fuck are you?" Thank Snakes, I’m actually speechless but Baz is always expecting a level of trouble.

"Very funny, I know I’ve been a twat but this is too far" the stranger actually looks angry at us. For being in our own flat. I’m very confused.

I need to calm this down before Baz goes off and we end up cleaning blood out of our clothes for a week. 

"This is our flat, we have no idea who you are or how you have a key. This is not a practical joke. If you’ve come to rob us or fight us then you’ve picked the wrong flat." I sound suitably threatening I hope. Threatening enough for Baz not to have to take over.

The stranger starts crying. Big snotty gulps. It feels a bit familiar but then, since the wars started, there’s been a lot of crying. Crying is most peoples default position. That or violence.

"Penny, please don’t do this, you’ve been my best friend since we were kids, don’t do this, I don’t know if I can carry on without you"

I almost believe him. Except I don’t know him. Baz is the only person I’ve been friends with since we were kids. 

"Penny, it’s me, it’s Simon, if your not joking then it must be magic"

I feel like he’s ripped my heart out and set it on fire.

  
Baz

  
I’m going to rip his fucking head off. It’s bad enough. Everything is bad enough without some fucker breaking to our house on A few days before Christmas shouting about our childhoods and magic. 

I pin him to the wall although it’s harder than it should be and honestly, if he had his wits about him, I might not have succeeded. 

"What the fuck do you think you are doing. What do you know about magic?"

"Baz, don’t, please"

"Talk, what do you know about magic?"

"I don’t know what you mean, you and Penny know loads more than me. I haven’t even got mine anymore since…."

He looks stricken. He looks like we look all the time. The way that people who have known magic and lost it look.

"Since what?"

"I can’t Baz, is this some type of new therapy? I can’t talk about it. You’re scaring me"

I think he might actually be telling the truth. There is a hum of magic around him. Might this nightmare life we live just be a spell gone wrong? 

No don’t think that.

Don’t think.

Don’t think it could be true.

I hiss at him "You need to fucking explain yourself or I promise I will hurt you"

There’s a whooshing sound and I’m thrown forward as two massive red wings explode from the strangers back. Dragon. I thought they all left two years ago. Penny is on her feet with tears streaking her face

“Dragon” she’s almost reverent 

“ I’m not a bloody dragon. I’m Simon. We were all at Watford together. You’re my boyfriend. We killed the mage, saved magic and then I fucked everything up. I’m not a dragon”

"I think we have a problem" I sigh at Penny. She nods and slumps back into the couch.

Simon

I really want Baz to touch me. I’m scared and upset and I want him but he’s looking at me like he’ll behead me if I go any closer. 

"I hate to be the one to break it to you Simon but magic was not saved. It’s gone. The mage lived long enough to destroy everything and Penny and I were at Watford for one term before our parents wisely pulled us out." Baz sound bitter and haunted. I want to kiss him. Make it better. How do you make this better?

I can’t bear the thought of anyone else not having magic. It’s the worst feeling. Like all the colour has gone from the world.......

Wait 

Like all the colour has gone from the world. 

The magic by the bridge

"Then I’m not in my right place. Like ‘ Back to the Future’ but not time, like alternative realities. Something happened earlier. I’ve been spelled at"

Baz winces at my grammar and I almost smile. Pedantic git any universe. 

"Could you please explain what you mean using words in recognisable sequences"

I feel the rage rising in me like it hasn’t for so long. Baz telling me to use my words shouldn’t set me off like this but he’s so cold and sharp. I can’t stand it. 

"I mean, you intolerable prat, that this is not my reality. You need to find a way to send me back or it will cause trouble, particularly if I meet me"

He looks at Penny and raises his beautiful, infuriating eyebrow. 

"Do you believe me or do I need to start rattling off facts about you until it gets embarrassing?"

"No need for extreme measures. How do you think we can help?”

"I dunno, you two do all the thinking normally. I’ll cook dinner, you plan"

Baz 

He’s banging around in the kitchen and I feel like I should do something but I’m going to stay sat right here in case I give in to the urge to snog him senseless.

In another dimension I’m his boyfriend.

In another dimension I’m gay.

Am I gay in this dimension too?

I’ve never thought about until right now.

Until that fucking beautiful imbecile burst into our home.

I’m his boyfriend somewhere. 

Crowley, do I get to have sex with him? 

Stop it

  
Planning, we need to plan.

"Have you heard of anything like this Penny?"

"Not in our world" she chokes a bit "not in magical history but he’s right, it happens in films. I think he just has to come to a realisation. That’s usually the solution. Or true loves kiss."

"How? How do we do that?"

She gives me a bitter grin "I don’t think he wants to kiss me"

I know I’m blushing "Fuck off Penny"

"She’s right though" I nearly jump out of my skin, he’s leaning on the back of the sofa I’m sat on. He smells on butter and cinnamon and magic. Kiss him? Merlin, I want to _eat_ him. 

"Let’s keep it in mind as a last resort"

  
Simon

  
He doesn’t want me. In this place and time I’m nothing to him. A stranger that’s annoying him at Christmas. 

My heart is sore. I never imagined that it would feel this bad. Not having him. Being nothing to him. It’s awful. 

He and Penny look so beaten down. I can’t stand it. 

“I think we should take you to Watford. It’s ground zero for all this shit so maybe it will shake whatever needs shaking loose”

“Cool, I need to sit in the front though. I get car sick. And we have to eat first"

Baz snorts at me and it’s so familiar that It makes the ache worse. 

I go back to the kitchen and Penny follows. 

“What are you?”

"I’m your best friend in the world. And a bit of a prick at the moment. And I used to be the chosen one but now I’m just a dragon winged freak with no magic"

She nods like this makes sense. 

“We never had a chosen one”

I look away from her and drain the pasta. 

Penny

At least he can cook. This pasta is lovely.

Baz is twitchy but that’s nothing new. I haven’t seen him eat this much in ages. 

“How are you controlling your fangs?"

"What the actual fuck are you taking about? What do I call you?” 

"Erm you could call me Simon but in real life you call me ‘Snow’. Also you’re a vampire, so, fangs"

"Well, Snow, I most certainly am not a vampire. Some people might consider it a trifle rude to break into someone’s home and call them your vampire boyfriend”

“I can see that, my manners are appalling” 

He give Baz a gigantic grin and Baz starts blushing and looks down. 

I stand up. “Enough flirting, let’s go.”

Simon

I couldn’t have dreamed this. Not in my worst nightmares. 

Where Watford was there is a crater. A huge, dark, empty crater. No tower, no wood, no cloisters, no wavering wood.   
Nothingness. Empty nothingness. 

I don’t remember sinking to my knees but I’m on the ground now. Tears are running down my face but I’m too sad to sob. Too wiped out. I understand why Penny and Baz look so mournful. 

"What happened here?” I say to Penny as she hugs me close.

"The fucking mage blew it all up and sucked all the magic out of England with his ill thought out experiments. He was experimenting on students too. That’s why our parents took us out. They say he lost his shit when his wife died in childbirth but no one really knows. The old families were no match for him.”

I think I’ve seen this film. I think I know what I need to do. 

“Will you take me back please? I think I know how to end this"

We drive back through the night to the bridge. We stop at a corner shop on the way and I run in and buy a Christmas decoration with Penny’s money.

The lamps are all lit on the bridge and we stand in an awkward bunch. 

"So, I’ve been feeling pretty bad, like it would be better if I disappeared. I’m guessing I got sent here to show me what the world would be like if I never was. It seems bad. It’s like that film, I can’t remember what it’s called. The Christmas one” I’m blabbering 

"What do we need to do?"

"You need to cast a spell Pen, I know you can"

She looks hopeful, she’s never had a problem accepting the weird.

"Shake this and do the spell" I hand her the decoration and a scrap of paper. She nods

Then she rings the Christmas bell and casts 

  
**Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings**

I see a shimmer around her. I see Baz’s mouth fall open and then I’m cold and wet and sat on the river bank.

The bloke I saved earlier is sat next to me. 

"You figured it out"

"Seems so"

"You've been given a gift Simon, a chance to see what the world would be like without you. It’s hard, living, going on, fighting every day but it’s worth it. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away?"

"I think I do, thank you, really"


	2. 2

Baz 

  
Simon bursts into the flat and my first thought is ‘here we go again’. He’s been a vile rage demon all week. It’s a change of pace from sloth demon but not a welcome one. 

  
That’s why I almost drop him when he jumps into my arms. Simon is holding onto me like he will explode if he doesn’t. Crowley, I’d be in heaven if it wasn’t for the little hiccups and sobs that are shaking his shoulders. 

  
"What’s up Snow?"

Simon

I need to talk to Baz. I need to find my words. 

  
“Something happened today, like magic or something and I can’t stand it if you, I don’t want to live without ” the words are tumbling when I need them to make sense. 

  
Explaining all this can wait. I’m just going to do what I do. Take action and fuck the consequences. I’m sick of being stuck. 

  
I’m about to 

And then he kisses me

Baz

  
I don’t know what I’m doing.

  
But I need to do. 

  
I’m sick of being tense and worried and second guessing. 

  
“Is this OK?” I whisper into his mouth and everything I am depends on the answer

  
He groans into me, hot and wet, hands everywhere and it’s all I need

Simon

  
We should be talking, I need to explain. I need this more. Fuck talking. I drag him into my room.

Baz

  
Simon pushes me backwards until my knees meet the edge of the bed and buckle. Before I can put an arm out to steady myself he is pinning me to the bed, growling into my neck. I can feel that growl in the pit of my stomach, as it unfolds it leaves a wake of fire behind it. 

  
He kisses the line of my jaw, down my neck. The noises I’m making, Crowley, is there no depth I’m not going to sink to? 

  
As he kisses further down he’s nudging my collar aside and dropping kisses like lava across my collar bone. He pulls up and I whimper with the loss until his fingers slide the first few buttons of my shirt open and he yanks it down off my shoulder like the fate of the world hangs on him getting his mouth on my skin. Maybe it does. 

  
He’s spacing the kisses with tiny licks and nips which leave me writhing into the bed. I try to buck my hips up into him to get some relief from the pressure building in me but he pins me harder and laughs into my shoulder. 

  
I could tip him. I could overpower him and trap him under me but I want. I want him. I don’t want to scare him. 

  
When his other hand rips (actually rips, Snow has no respect for clothing) the bottom buttons open and grabs my hip I think I’ve died. 

Simon 

If I don’t touch every part of his skin right now The world is going to end.   


  
Baz

Simon sits back again and I’m fast enough this time to take advantage of the change in position to grind up into his hips. When I feel him hard against me I shudder and pull him closer. 

  
Simon is gasping and pulling at his t shirt. When he’s free of his shirt he turns his attention to my belt but the fumbling is too much. 

  
“Off me you gorgeous oaf, I can manage my clothes. Take care of your own"

  
He smiles at me and I do actually forget how to get undressed. I forget my own name in the blinding wonder that is Simon bloody Snow naked. 

  
His skin is .... his hair is falling forward and ..... 

  
"See something you like Baz?"

  
I shut my mouth (he’s turned me into a mouth breather) and try to think of something suitably, well, ‘me’ to say but I decide the best way to shut him up is to play him at his own game. 

  
I slowly unbuckle my belt holding his gaze the whole time. As I unbutton the first button I see him swallow. 

  
"See something you like Snow?" I ask trying to keep a straight face. It is too easy turn the tables on him. I don’t know what’s shifted, I don’t know how we got here but I’m going to keep it as long as I can. 

  
I stop thinking because I can’t think and keep burying the urge to moan at how unbelievable he looks like this. 

  
“I need you naked right now please”

  
He delivers this line completely deadpan and, I swear to magic, licks his thumb and runs it over his lip. 

  
I tear off my clothes and get back under him so fast I’m not sure I didn’t spell myself here. 

  
Simon Snow’s exposed skin feels like butter and fire everywhere it touches me, which is everywhere because I’m pressing into all of him with all of me. 

  
I think this is what will kill me, this is how I’ll die. And the he wraps his hand around my cock and runs his still wet thumb over the head. The sound I make is so deeply pornographic that instead of curling up in shame it makes me bolder. 

  
I slide my hands down out of his hair (when did I put my hands up into his hair) and slide them down his back feeling the ridges of scars and the ripple of his muscles. Then I’m grabbing his arse, pulling him into me and trapping his hand. 

  
I’m gasping into his ear "Harder, please, harder"

  
"Harder what my love?" he gasp laughs back looking me full in the face (his eyes, Merlin and Morgana) all the while holding and teasing and so so gently rubbing that wanton fucking thumb. 

  
Before I can stop my treacherous mouth up I’m whispering "Simon, please, Simon" into his ridiculous, perfect curls.

Simon

  
We seem to be doing this. Right now. 

  
I have no idea what I’m doing but it’s making Baz crazy and fuck knows I’ve had lots of practice at that. 

  
I make some space between us by shouldering him down into the bed. I use the space to pull my hand up to my mouth and lick. (Where is all of this licking coming from?) 

  
Baz is tugging my ear with his teeth and I can’t think. I don’t want to think. I just want this.

Baz

  
When his licks his palm I think I’m done for again. I know I should be doing something more that gnawing on his ear but I can’t stop and if I do I’m only going to chew him somewhere else. I could devour him whole.

  
He reached down between us again and this time wraps his hand around both of us before moving slowly, so slowly. 

  
The sensation of his cock against my own makes fireworks burst behind my eyes in explosions of bright white but when I open them it doesn’t stop. 

Simon

It’s good, so good. Everything about this is good.

Baz

My breath is starting to hitch and I’m so close

  
“Simon, now”

  
He shudders in answer and the light is blinding. 

Simon

  
I’m half under Baz, breathing him in, running my hands over his cool skin. He’s got one hand in my hair and one hand tracing lines up and down my hip. 

  
I didn’t intend to come back and jump him but I’m not sorry I did. 

  
"Baz, I had a really weird day. Kind of like a film, that one that’s on at Christmas with the moon in it, the old one”

  
"It’s a wonderful life?"

  
“Yeah, how the fuck did you know that?”

  
“You fell asleep watching it last night, for the third time, right after the moon bit”

  
"Anyway, beside the point. I’m not fine, I’m not ok yet but I want to live again. And I don’t want to live without whatever this is, without you"

  
"There is no ‘without you’ either my love”

  
Then there is kissing, so much kissing.


End file.
